I hate it when...

1. I’m waiting to use a urinal and a barbarian comes and smashes everything.
2. I wake up with all the snakes at the zoo.
3. Beanie babies steal my food as I’m about to eat it.
4. I’m changing a light bulb and then my pants suddenly just disappear.
5. I google “awkward professor” and pictures of me with my shirt off appear.
6. I’m reading a book and Cinderella comes into my room thinking I’m her fairy godmother.
7. I go surfing and learn the hard way that alligators like saltwater.
8. Somebody comes up and tries to feed my belly button to their cat.
9. People shout out, “You stole my bacon” and I really didn’t.
10. I’m trying to rob a bank and midgets start to throw hamsters at me.
11. The backspace button turns out to be the button that kills another leprechaun.
12. My armpit turns out to have its own mind and eats people’s babies.
13. I get kidnapped by the tooth fairy.
14. 14.   I’m in the bathroom then Peter Pan appears asking for Wendy.
15. I talk to ants and they turn out to be sociopathic.
16. I get gnomes confused with mosquitos and spray them with mosquito repellant that also kills gnomes.
17. The government takes my pinky toes to sell to hoboes.
18. The Chinese food delivery guy licks my sideburns.
19. People beat me with sticks every time I say, “Somebody help! I’m dying.”
20. I go deaf because a hippopotamus decided to go swimming in my ear.

Bathroom Chat

So here’s one of the first thing that happened to me at community college:

            As high school told me, it’s always good to be about ten minutes early. But when I got to the room my first class, it was dark and empty. My bladder was full so I figured I could use the bathroom to kill time.

            When a guy uses the urinal, there’s some kind of rule we all naturally know. If there are more than 3 urinals, you take the ones furthest to the sides so the next guy doesn’t have to stand right next to you. I chose the urinal furthest away from the door, so someone is even less likely to take the one next to me.

            Well, my plan didn’t work out. This stocky middle aged man who came in after me took the urinal right next to me. There were four open ones, why’d he choose the one closest to a person?

            “Isn’t first days great?” The guy said. I could tell his mind was a little bit off, but oh well.

            “Umm… I guess so.” I replied trying to not get distracted so I can leave sooner.

            “I remember my first day of college here,” the man said, “I came home and realized I forgot to feed my gold fish. Poor guy had to go straight down the drain.”

It wasn’t long that I realized I got pee on my shoes. I was trying to hold in a laugh, this guys awkwardness was kinda funny.

            Once I finished, I quickly walked over to wash my hands. The man still wanted to talk, but he was all the way on the other side of the bath room. I have no idea what he was talking about but I just kept saying “uh-huh!” 

            I realized that as he was talking to me, he was leaning back to see me. I guess it’s natural for humans to want to see who they’re talking to. This guy was leaning so far back, I could see where the pee was coming from… and going, but I don’t think it was going where he originally aimed. Why was I noticing this?

            Quickly, I finished up in the bathroom and said “bye” to the man hoping he didn’t think I was rude.

            The class was still empty, but the door was unlocked, so I walked in and turned on the light. The inside looked like high school class rooms, but without any decorations. I took a seat and waited.

            One by one people drizzled in. I was thinking they’d be early but they weren’t. It was finally 10:00 but the professor still wasn’t in there.  At 10:10, the door opened and the man I saw in the bathroom walked in. Turns out that awkward man is my professor.

Captain America, Hitch-hiking, and Polo's

      Well, today I went and saw Captain America. It's interesting because it shows how patriotic people were in the 1940's. It seems that now days, it's very rare to get young people to be patriotic. I don't care what your opinion is, America is a place where people want to live. I don't understand when people complain about America. I mean yeah, there are things that I see as flaws, but it's better than living someone else.

      After the movie was done, I realized that I'd have to wait in town for a while before I got a ride back home. I can't take the bus because the nearest bus stop is still quite far from my house, so I just started to walk home. I got like 8 side walk squares away from the Fred Meyer parking lot, and a car stopped right next to me. She asked where I was going and offered to take me to my old Elementary school, which is a whole lot closer to my house than from Fred Meyer. I don't know if the fact I was wearing a polo made me seem safe, but I was a bit confused to why some random lady would offer a total stranger this. On the way there I told her what I've een doing this summer (choir and work for my dad), told her I play trombone, and told her that I want to be an elementary school teacher. She even complimented me by saying, "This is what America needs, more good male school teachers."
      I appreciate her hospitality a lot. It makes you wonder why people aren't always so nice like this. I guess it's because we as humans, normally see the worse in people. As humans, we're so insecure and nervous all the time. I bet if I were wearing a hoodie, with black jeans, and a different hair style, I would have walked the ten miles to my house. Makes me want to try and overlook flaws, and only recognize the good!

God Bless

+5

• My dance instructor was about 5’3” (super short), very buff,a shaved head, goatee, and had a low “I’m super manly” voice. It was a bit entertaining to watch him dance with girls taller than me.

• In dance I had to do a move where I lifted my arm…. I elbowed the girl in the nose.

• While riding my bike, a raccoon jumped out and started hissing. So instinctively, I growled back and tried to intimidate it. The raccoon started to chase me and continued to growl.

• Thinking it was a stick, I biked over a snake. It died and flew up at my face when I hit it.

• I met someone who is studying elementary ed. They also got their kids taken away because of bad parenting. They want to be a preschool teacher.